Creation of icons based on the Book of Revelation

Apocalypse Icons – art and meditations

Seven Days to World Peace

Woman of the Twelve Stars

Woman of the Twelve Stars – Constantina Wood (Finalist Apocalypse Prize)


Day One

Believe that each and every one of us can bring about peace by changing our own attitude to ourselves and others.

We create war by our angry thoughts.

We create injustice by our own prejudices.

We create poverty by our own greed.

We create sickness by our own fear.

We create sorrow by our own envy.

We create hatred by our love for power.

We create division by our indulgence in gossip.


Capture every thought. Check every action. Change.

We create peace by our loving thoughts.

We create justice by including those who are different from us.

We create wealth by sharing what we have freely.

We create health by having faith that all will be well.

We create happiness by encouraging others.

We create love when we do not need to feel we are right or better than others.

We create harmony when we choose only to hear and speak what is beneficial.

Negative Hand Print

Negative Hand Print

Day Two

Open hands can’t hold guns.

Open hands can’t grab.

Open hands can’t hit.

Open hands can’t hide.

Open hands can’t deceive.

Open hands can’t accuse.

Open hands can’t abuse.


Check how you use your hands. Stand still for five minutes with your hands open and see how it feels inside yourself.

Open hands welcome peace.

Open hands allow others to share in all.

Open hands soothe and caress.

Open hands show our vulnerability.

Open hands reveal all that we are.

Open hands show our willingness to accept our own faults.

Open hands welcome others in.

Buddha of serenity

Buddha of serenity

Day Three

Love yourself.

Learn to love yourself.

Learn to love your failings.

Learn to love all the things that have gone wrong in your life.

Learn to love the things you cannot do anything about from your past.

Learn to love the stupid things you say, have said and probably will continue to say.

Learn to love the whole being that is you with all the lumps and bumps and bits and bobs and nonsense.


Regard the Buddha above and see:

He is covered with lichens and mosses and chips of weathered stone, bird droppings and spatters of mud.

He is serene and silent and not phased by what anyone says who may come to stand by him.

He has weathered his existence and remains himself with complete acceptance.

He has withstood all the elements that have berated him.

He has lost a hand but holds on.

He emanates love.

He is love.

Praying girl

Praying girl


Day Four

There is chaos.

There is chaos all around us.

There was chaos at the beginning of creation.

There is chaos in our lives.

There is chaos in our minds.

There is chaos in our feelings.

There is chaos in our spirit.


Consider this chaos.

Chaos is.

Chaos is like a stormy sea.

Chaos is the foundation of all existence.

Beauty has been created out of chaos.

We can step outside of chaos and draw it together like pieces of string.

We can knit it together and form the fabric of a new Universe.

We can embrace creation which includes chaos and not become chaotic.

Tall Angels

Tall Angels

Day Five

Sometimes we feel alone.

Sometimes we feel isolated.

Sometimes we feel no-one understands us.

Sometimes we feel marginalised.

Sometimes we feel hated.

Sometimes we feel persecuted.

Sometimes we feel hunger – physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual.


Look up and see the angels. Ask for the gates of understanding to be opened to you. Ask to SEE.

All the time we are surrounded by others, seen and unseen.

All the time the angels stand watch over us.

All the time God knows what we feel.

All the time we are included in the Kingdom of Heaven.

All the time we are loved with a great outpouring of love.

All the time we are being comforted.

All the time we are being fed by the love of God which sustains us completely if we can just believe.

Sketch for icon - St. John the Baptist

Sketch for icon – St. John the Baptist


Day Six

We are waiting.

We have been told to repent.

We have been told to forgive.

We have been told to give.

We have been told to help.

We have been told to sow peace.

We have been told to love.


Consider our failings; our inability to live up to ideals we set ourselves; our inadequacy in understanding that others cannot live up to the ideals we set on them.  This is the foundation for lack of peace in the world.

We are waiting.

While we are waiting let us play.

While we are waiting let us be a little silly at times.

While we are waiting let us learn some things about ourselves as human beings.

While we are waiting let us admit how foolish we all are.

While we are waiting let us admit we have no power to overcome this idiocy that is the state of humanity.

While we are waiting let us love each other anyway especially those who are most hated.

My First Painted Image of Christ - monochrome

My First Painted Image of Christ – monochrome

Day Seven

A Dream of a New World in Seven Days

Wouldn’t it be something if all nations could lay down their weapons for seven days.

Wouldn’t it be something if we could all give freely to others for seven days.

Wouldn’t it be something if we could stop judging others for seven days.

Wouldn’t it be something if we could all call one another, have a laugh with each other and tell silly jokes for seven days.

Wouldn’t it be something if world leaders would all stand united, hold out their open hands and admit their powerlessness to change things and to ask for help.

Wouldn’t it be something if money became obsolete and we all decided that it is better just to learn to become true human beings and not use resources as a means of power over others.

Wouldn’t it be something if we could simply see that how to learn to love has already been given to us.


We Are Resurrection People

Christ - the Light of the World within us.

Christ – the Light of the World within us.

This New Year’s Eve heralds the advent of the year that marks the centenary of the beginning of the Great War in 1914.  My father was 4 years old when it began and a young man of 29 when he enlisted in the army to fight in world War II.  He died within a week of becoming ill on January 7th 1982 at the age of 71.  We lived at number 71, too.

Three 71’s!

Are numbers significant?  Does a centenary confer some special meaning? Numbers are prevalent in the Bible. The Jewish Gematria is based on the numerical value of the Alef Beit.  We can create mathematical algorithms for the most complex systems even biological and meteorological ones.  When I was a young teenager I was fascinated by this underlying and possible order for all things though my love for the natural world superceded it and I became more in love with biology as I went through school. Nevertheless I became obsessed by numerical equivalents and possible interpretations to the point I was almost unable to do anything or meet anyone without first making some kind of calculations as to the possibilities and probabilites of where it might lead.

I became a slave to an idea. Limited by my own mental fabrication and the reality I had imbued it with.

We have so much power to realise even the most ridiculous and it will come about and bolster the illusion.  We create our own tyrannies even before we are subject to the tyrannies of others.

How did I escape myself!? There is no one single point of salvation or realisation; more, perhaps, a long journey through life with many ups and downs and sufferings, some quite extreme and still painful; some incredibly joyful times.  We all have such lives, we are all subject to the same foolishness of the imaginary kingdoms we create. But if we are quiet within; if we become still, we can see some thread that passes through it all and remains constant.  We see we are what we always were – a beautiful soul, created by Almighty God  with one purpose – of returning to Him.

Slowly we might become aware that we are not our flashy cars, expensive clothes, big house, powerful position of authority, centre of the clique, the mover and shaker.

We are not the bum on the street, the chav, the white trash, the criminal, the drunk, the addict, the prostitute.

We are not the holier than thou, do-gooding Christian or member of any other faith, perfect person, follower of ritual, person who always does the right and proper thing.

We are stupid.

We are blind.

We are deaf.

We are dumb.

We are unfeeling.

We are ignorant.

We are faithless.

But we have something special.

We have hope because we have the unconditional love of God.

When Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well she immediately valued the word he spoke, desired the living water he wanted to share with her – the water of life, of awareness, of love eternal, love that makes your legs turn to water when you feel it descend upon you, makes you shed tears of remorse from so deep a place of pain you know you are being washed clean.

The Samaritan woman had many husbands, Christ knew her whole life. But he loved her still, he loved her.  He did not judge like we judge.  He saved her because he loved her.

In this world we create rules.  Abide by them and you are accepted. Reject them and you are outcast.  An illusion.  We are all outcasts of our own making.

But we are all saved.

We are all redeemed.

We are all loved.

We all have hope.

We are all Resurrection people.

What does it mean when we say Christ has taken our sins upon himself and in doing so, saved us? What does this mean to you?  Christians, especially Evangelists often talk about this but has anyone ever explained what it means to the extent you are satisfied with the meaning, can feel it in yourself as the truth, or does it just wash off as empty words?

I often ponder about it.  I can and have grasped the idea with my mind but I know from experience this is superficial.  But this past year I have felt something new.  It has not come from understanding, argument or theological study.

It comes from humility.

Humility saves us.

Humility is God’s love in action.

He humbles us, especially when we have been proud or vain.  If we can accept the realisation, and embrace the humility we have learned a litle more of love, we have become a little more Resurrected.  There is a point now where I am so conscious of my stupidity, ignorance, unholy motivations, little daily shams and excuses I make to cover my sorry ass, that I feel like one of the Franciscan Brothers in Assisi, I forget which, possibly Bernard or Juniper, who when arrested and condemned admitted to everything, even though in fact he had done nothing at all.  He also freely asked to be convicted of the sins of his persecutors as well, for he said, he may as well! He was willing to accept the sins of others even though he was guiltless – just as Christ accepted us and our sins outright, forever.  Yet he was holy and guiltless and he spent his life working miracles and loving and caring for those around him.

He condemned only those who thought they were better than anyone else, who created rules and regulations which kept out those whose need was greatest and means were least.

This world is like the Temple.  We have to buy and sell and bring our doves and lambs to the marketplace and jostle for favours and positions and any little thing the arbiters of the Temple wish to dole out if they deem our sacrifices as worthy. We are like beggars, like the sick who sit around the pool waithng for the angel to come stir it up and then hope to dive in first to get the miracle cure.

Christ studied and learned and understood but he did not become like the people of the Temple.  He was from God. He showed us the way to Life and it was not by becoming like those in the Temple who used rules and regulations to strangle and impoverish so many people; who took hope away rather than give it.

The only lie in the world is that you have to be part of something, behave in a certain way, become like some significant other, in order to be accepted.  Being accepted is not the same as being saved.

We are all saved.

You do not need to buy into anything anymore to be able to experience Resurrection of your soul.

Wake up in the morning of this New Year and every morning thereafter, ask for forgiveness and begin again.  Christ makes us new every day.  He loves us and forgives us and helps us to move to complete Resurrection.  We are already on the path.  Do not let anyone, least of all yourself, doubt it.

We are Resurrection People.

Art is trash – No!


On a recent trip to London to stock up on art supplies from one of my favourite wholesalers – Atlantis in the East End, I beheld this piece of art made from rubbish outside the building.  For those of faint heart, please excuse the language.  It made me laugh and I guess that is the purpose of art – to get a reaction of some kind.  What that reaction is, depends on the artwork, I guess.

We had just spent a few hours in the Tate Modern.  I so love the Tate Modern.  I was disapponited the regurgitating, upside down grand piano was no longer on show but there was a special exhibition of Paul Klee, which I did not go to due to time constraints, and needing mucho spondooliks for the purchase of art equipment.  However, I walked from gallery to gallery and delighted in the great variety of exhibits from Tracy Emin to Picasso.  Miss Emin would understand the above, no doubt, as she also uses such harsh language in her work.  I am always prepared not to like her work but invariably do.  There is a certain freedom in being able to express oneself so.  Some woman had undoubtedly upset her for her latest piece.

Reactions to brutal language and expression in art are just as valid as reactions to works of sheer skill and beauty.  Regarding a cubist figure by Picasso simply filled me with joy.  His technique is flawless and the composition utterly sublime.  I get as much of a visceral response to his work as I do to Miss Emin’s, even though both reactions are poles apart in content.

The two finest pieces, in my mind, were Giacometti’s sketch of his brother-in-law and Emil Nolde’s landscape that has me in ecstasy with its moody, heaviness and powerful colouring.

My inner artist was well fed and I subsequently am spending hour upon hour trying to meet the deadline for my latest icon.  Number 2 of a triptych based on the Book of Revelation. A creative needs to spend time amongst the creations of others.  It is a necessary part of the artist’s journey to feed the soul and to inspire and energise.

From a spiritual perspective there is the instruction written in the Good Book to be either hot or cold but never to be lukewarm.  One may as well be dead if the latter applies.  I suggest that art has a function here to knock us a little bit off the fence of lukewarmedness.  Either way is valid, if only simply to WAKE US UP! Yes, do wake up!  Become aware and start to live.

To the artist of Art is Trash above, I salute you for waking up the humdrum lives of any passerby and making them react a little.  But try to be more original with the language – I am sure you can think of something more interesting than F*** O**

Here is my reflection in a piece of art work at the Tate modern which consists of seveal large, thick plates of glass laying one on top of the other.  It was rather softening and I liked the effect.

Reflection in plate glasses at Tate Modern.

Reflection in plate glasses at Tate Modern.

Ely Cathedral, a Bunch of Franciscans and a Marvellous Mary.

Virgin Mary, Lady Chapel  at Ely Cathedral

Virgin Mary, Lady Chapel at Ely Cathedral

Last weekend (18th-20th October, 2013) was one well looked forward to.  A retreat at Ely Cathedral for the East of England region of Tertiary Franciscans. Our local area, the Chiltern Group had decided to book up en masse at Bishop Woodford House so we could experience the day without rushing there and having to travel back.  We had much opportunity to talk and enjoy one another’s company and I felt this was very special for me. I am now working with my young people most Saturdays so miss a lot of the area meetings or just get the tail end if it is very local and I can get there in time.  Cameraderie is very important for Franciscans, it is not simply an association, we are a true family in Christ.

I loved Ely and the cathedral but most especially the pneumatic sculpture of Mary.  Forgive my adjective but it is the right one.  I was not sure about her at first but as our event progressed and I regarded her overseeing our proceedings in that dramatic pose as if she is about to launch herself over the top of us, I warmed to her.  She is all woman, quite Nordic, almost Icelandic in expression. She would make any man think twice before speaking to her.

We renewed our vows for the year and I was assigned to the workshop called Work.  It was interesting and one of the speakers likened attitudes to work with a set of characters who were affiliated with one or other of our Principles. Work is important for me and I am free to work as much as I like and consequently do.  Being self employed in two areas: tutoring and art, seems to fill my days, evening  and nights quite easily.  I have to be strict about Sundays – my day off from all of it and Wednesdays which are now sacrosanct as my Artist’s Day where I either continue to work on current projects or sort out my art plan or go visiting somewhere new to get new ideas or inspiration. It has become a special day for me and has a strong feeling of holiness.  Indeed the room where I paint is now well set up and I feel an intense inner joy each time I walk in to my work space. For the first time in a long while I feel I am doing the work I was meant to be doing with the right balance of prayer, work and creativity.  Furthermore I am embarking on a small social enterprise that I will set up early next year.  I am excited about this as it has so many Franciscanly values attached to it. It will come shortly before my profession as a tertiary proper and I anticipate this will form the core of my work as a Franciscan in years to come.  I will keep you posted.

One of the highlights of the weekend at Ely was the sculpture at the cathedral. How I loved it and especially the Christ by Hans Freiburg below.

Resurrected Christ with holes in his hands.

Resurrected Christ with holes in his hands.

The figure simply invites you to place your hands in his.  He is life size and above you, so as you hold his hands and feel the cleft of the wounds in the palms of his hands you look up into his strained face and feel so much love and compassion from him it melts you completely and utterly.  The sculptor could only have had the most intense relationship with Him to have produced such a magnificent work.  I will never forget it.

St. Etheldreda

St. Etheldreda

She is magnificent, almost like some ancient goddess and the stone sculture is so fine you have to touch.

Mary Magdalene with Christ by the tomb.

Mary Magdalene with Christ by the tomb.


Statue of Mary in Bishop Woodford house

Statue of Mary in Bishop Woodford house

I love the sernenity of her face, she is beautiful.

We all enjoyed our visit immensely, especially the bar which was open for us to use and write our own tabs on each night!  I assure you we were well behaved. I had a scotch and ginger with one of my colleagues on Friday night and was reminded of cosy evenings with my own father who was partial to a drop of Bells.

During lunch hour on the day of our meeting I spent a good half hour doing my first brass rubbing of an incredible, almost teutonic image of Mary. I have no photo at present of the rubbing but have the plaque – see below –  it was a magical experience.  I was transported back to childhood when I used to do magic painting with a brush of water on a blank page which would then become filled with an image and wonderful colours.  An elderly couple kept me company and watched as it progressed and then one of the Franciscans came over and gave me a hand bringing up the definition of the lettering.  He was very dear and we worked companionably.  I must also thank the lovely lady called June, from the cathedral shop who expertly set me up and showed me what to do.  She was great and I would go back just to have another go and see her again. She could not do enough to make it a special experience.


And one final word:

Altar frontal, Lady Chapel, Ely

Altar frontal, Lady Chapel, Ely


The Artist’s Eye – A Tale of Two Cities 2

The Prophet Isaiah

The Prophet Isaiah

Today is the 9th July, 2013. From the manual of the the Third Order of St. Francis – Principles, Day 9:

The Second Aim contd.  –  As Tertiaries, we are prepared not only to speak out for social justice and international peace, but to put these principles into practice in our own lives. Cheerfully facing any scorn or persecution to which this may lead.

How is it possible to come to a point in our lives when we are prepared to do this?  Some people are born with such skills and abilities and it is clear from a young age that they have clarity of purpose but for many of us on the path it is far from distinct and a great struggle takes place. This struggle is long and most likely lifelong.  Someone told me not so long ago that even St. Francis himself had struggles and doubts all his life – but he pressed on regardless and that is the key.  To keep going, not to stop, not to wither under pressure of social conformation and public or private opinion.  It is a tall order, especially for one such as myself who was brought up to fear what the “neighbours would think”.  My mother was a non-practicing Catholic and heaped much guilt upon our heads. This guilt is nothing other than fear.

In my tale of two cities I want to venture further into the cities within.  We have at our root a fundamental choice:

     to live in fear or to live in love.

Note the or in bold. Where fear is, love is not.  Where love is, fear is not.  Most choices we make in life can seem hard and convoluted but our response to any given situation is dictated to this root premise.  The two cites of self have characteristics and you can set about learning to recognise them.  We are a little bit of a hotch-potch in general and it takes discipline and contemplation to unravel an awareness of our being and to discern from what motivation we are working from.

The City of Fear

When our lives are lived in the city of fear we are, like my mother, completely under the illusion that everything we do will be judged by others and we will be found to be lacking or wanting in some amorphous, intangible way.  As a consequence of this we build up an image of ourselves that is designed to fit in with those around us and we rally to the call of the significant others we perceive in our circle and aim to please them. One of my non- Franciscan spiritual directors pointed out to me that she sees many people who live in this fear and try to cover up any ‘indiscretions’ or ‘failures’ in their lives.  They are so desperate that no-one sees  these ‘mistakes’.  What a stressful way to live, I thought.  As an iconographer, I assure my students regularly that mistakes or patches of work that do not fit into the idealised image they have in their heads at the outset, are graces from God and lead us to experiment and find new ways of approaching the problem set before us.  In the end these icons filled with error are incredibly beautiful and feel so human and endearing.

In eastern thought the idea that we have to maintain this illusion of being better and perfect is alien. It stems from a need to feel superior to others.  Consequently those who live in this way become panicked when someone throws the proverbial spanner in the works and they run around justifying themselves and what they do or have done and how great it is.  It may work for a time to salve the ego but it is still an illusion. Maintaining the image becomes the raison d’etre of existence.  The Western world is so full of this and we laugh at those in Hollywood who try to keep on with the illusion of physical perfection through plastic surgery but are we any better?  We try to do the same in so many little ways in our ordinary lives, in our workplace or place of worship.  In the church it alienates and so many do not come because of it.  One person spoke to me after my last blog and pointed out that there are millions of truly Christian people outside of the church because of the people inside the church.  I was led to find an article on the Organic Church which is now springing up  where people are coming together in small groups to worship God, just as they did at the beginning in the early church.  So in a remarkable way, the beauty of God manifests itself despite the actions of so called organised religion.  Organised anything, in the end, always tends to become fear based as those who have not understood their own motivations move in to control and organise the system in the way they wish it to be to sustain the image they have created.  Fear based thinking is a direct result of not surrendering or submitting or being obedient to or listening to the word of God in our hearts.

Reading Ezekiel 11 this morning, we are reminded that it is God who changes our hearts from those of stone, to those of flesh.  We cannot be anything else until He does so.  Even better to have a heart of light, which is the heart of Christ.

The City of Love

The Isaiah, pictured in my icon above, is one of my ‘faulty’ friends.  All my best work is with those who have commissioned it, so I am left with all my ‘mistakes and ‘imperfect’ icons.  I take them with me when I give talks and my little battered collection is loved and cherished by all who meet them. People recognise that imperfection is fundamentally more filled with the beauty of love than perfection – which can seem cold, aloof and unattainable. Isaiah had a problem with his face – the gesso bubbled up and he looked like he had chicken pox.  Drastic measures had to be taken and I had to remove the tempera.  So he has a line around the edge of his face where the diseased gesso had been removed.  I can never discard my little rejects, and I think I love them more than any of my other better works.  He sits at my work table in the corner and reminds me that under the scabs and sickness of modern thought and behaviour there is beauty in all.  That at times, drastic measures have to be taken to remove the disease, and at other times it is the slow and less radical process of renewal and regeneration.

When we work from the premise of love there is no fear.  We do not fear the opinion of others, we do not fear living in places others would turn their nose up at, or being different from those around us. It is a great freedom.  We can be who we are meant to be and we do not need to be what others would want us to be or how we feel they would want us to be.  We follow the inspiration that comes to us each day no matter where it takes us and we often do not know where it will lead but at the same time we accept what comes with delight and joy.  It amazes us when people think we have ‘lost’ status or ‘lost’ some thing, like a house or a job or a car.  Nothing is ‘lost’ at all.  When you live in a life that wants to hang on to these things, then there is loss, but when these things have no importance, because the only significant thing is the love of God, then all is gain and building up and nurturing and renewal. Life becomes an exciting journey as we wonder where it will take us .  We do not need others to recommend or back us as God has gone before us and He will never leave us or forsake us.  No man can take away what God has ordained for anyone.

Imagine a world where everyone could truly become the unique person they were gifted to be?  We have everything within us to make right the wrongs of the world, to have enough for all, to live without want, need and poverty.  The solution to every difficulty is within each one of us if only we could allow ourselves and others around us to be the person they were and truly meant to be. If governments could learn to allow people to ‘be’ to develop and find their true talent, to allow teachers to inspire and to nurture the true talent of their students – all their students, not just a select few – every country in the world would have a wealth of everything they need with regard to skills and abilities.  It is fear and the need to control that prevents this true education from happening. We have at the heart the solution to all problems the world faces; we cannot utilise this solution because we contaminate it and suppress it before it has the chance to flower.

If we could move into the City of Love then there would be no pressure or stress to be like anyone else, we could delight in collective uniqueness. Both Isaiah and my friend Ezekiel did not fit in and at times had to run for their lives.  Has the world reached a point of consciousness yet, where this need not be the case anymore? Perhaps the poxed face of illusion has to be dramatically removed before the light of love and truth can freely shine and perhaps the woes of this world today are simply the signs of this removal. So have hope, and work hard for truth because the City  of Love is needing builders today.

A New Series of Videos

The Spiritual Journey with Icons

The Icon Board- the spiritual foundation

Click on each title and be transported to my living room for a cosy chat about icons in this new venture.

If anyone can tell me how to get rid of the noise of my laptop fan from the videos I would be eternally grateful as I am completely baffled by video editing software.

Francis and Mary

Madonna Hodegetria

Madonna Hodegetria

A new Pope called Francis I who calls us to pray through the icon of Mary. An advocate of the contemplative life and a man of compassion.  May Christ’s love shine through him and spread throughout the world.

My joy is complete.

This image of the Madonna Hodegetria written by the iconographer can be found at All Saints Fulham London.

The Conversion of Paul

Running to the door of higher consciousness

So I run straight towards the goal in order to win the prize, which is God’s call through Christ Jesus to the life above.

All of us who are spiritually mature should have this same attitude. But if some of you have a different attitude, God will make this clear to you.

Philippians 3 v14-15

Becoming an artist was a struggle. It was always inside me but I found it hard to just put a mark on a piece of paper or a canvas. There was a time when a composition I had in my head would take months to realise and then I would look at it and be filled with horror at the inadequacy of my work and the lack of skill.  But this is the artist’s disease, we are always dissatisfied with what we do to some extent.  The trick is to learn to let that negativity go and move on to the next piece.

The image above is a very old painting, not expertly rendered but I love it because it sums up my driving force in life.  The original painting I had been working had filled me with despair – I had spent months on something only to squeeze paint directly onto the canvas and scrape it all off with a palette knife.  This was the moment of enlightenment.  The residual image imprinted on the canvas was of a figure in motion moving towards an area of light.  Immediately I saw it I started working with more oil paint directly onto the canvas and with a knife, sculpted the image as it appear above.  It took no more than half an hour.

I had my epiphany.

From that moment on I knew that if I was serious about becoming an artist I needed to work at it daily even if it was only half an hour.  Not doing it for months and weeks was no longer an option.  To see it as an adventure.  To follow where it led.  I had to be diligent and industrious, go to classes, learn more skills and develop, little by little.  Most of all it was to be a joyful experience.

That latter was not so easy as, in myself, I felt this overwhelming weight, like I was walking through thick black molasses every time I wanted to do some work.  It was the strangest and most unpleasant feeling but my inner determination and my lady running to her door of higher consciousness, as I called the painting above, gave me the inspiration and energy to overcome this weight.

I adore St. Paul. Not everyone does.  Not everyone agrees with some of the things he says.  But he is my boy and I love him for what he went through and suffered yet continued to do the Work.  He was one person but he became another.  His old life was transfigured into a new life, through Christ, and the skills he had before and used for worldly matters and for persecution of the church, were utilised anew with the same zeal for Christ in a different way.

My work as an artist developed and is still developing.  It is transforming in itself into new things and new ways and new opportunities.  The underlying force is transfiguration of the soul and the image above is synonymous with the process.  We pass through doors or spheres of consciousness and each time it is a tricky passage but once through the door we have a new world to explore.

Paul left behind the past and focussed on what he was doing in the present.  He kept his mind on the goal.  Union with Christ and doing, through Christ within. When this happens it is incredible what one person can do; there is an energy and lightness to everything.  A feeling of giving of the self not for others’ approval but solely for Christ, to serve Him.  The Work – that is the work that Christ wills us to do is more important than any other consideration. It is a joy because we know it will happen whether we mess up or not.  God’s Plan is relentless and He weaves in our idiosyncracies and mistakes, as an artist uses the mistake to create something new and something better than they had thought of originally.

So God bless St. Paul for his total commitment, even after imprisonment and many beatings and near drownings.  He kept his focus on the goal.  May we all learn to do the same to bring something brighter into creation.

Pax et bonum

Bliss, Birds and The Big Bang

Teacher with two hour old chick

Teacher with two hour old chick

Recently I was invited to join an internet group that is generally patronised by people from India.  It is probably the liveliest and most interesting group I have looked at and taken part in since immersing myself more fully into the world that the internet gives us access too.

What makes this group so lovely is that the participants are actively looking at how the spiritual impinges on their daily lives.  I am like this too but in the UK spirituality is not something discussed as part of a normal everyday conversation but for special times, places of groups.

So I actively look forward to some amusing, enlightening and wonderful posts.  Those whom I have so far interracted with have been generous, warm, funny and welcoming but also extremely wise.  I am learning a lot.

For instance a thought from VK is, “to think less brings much happiness, to not think at all….bliss!”  I read this and, for someone with a very active mind, surprisingly, was drawn to testing it out.  The old scientist in me is ever present.  Well the moment we tell ourselves not to do something we immediately do it more.  Music and art is very helpful.  When I am painting I have realised my focus is so great that I am literally not thinking about what I am doing it just flows – comes with hours of practice over many years.

Listening to music has the same effect but even easier as I just put in headphones and am transported.  So I have been actively not thinking whilst listening to music and for one day this week it was just as VK said, absolute bliss. I went to two meeting directly afterwards and both people, whom I know well, remarked at the difference in me, very positively, even they were affected by this deep peace and joy and quietness.

Later I was walking, with headphones duly plugged in, blissing along when I stopped to watch the starlings doing those wonderful patterns in the sky as they fly in flock.  Incredibly they seemed to be in sync with the music I was listening to.  Birds are amazing creatures and I love to watch them busily going about their life.  How marvellous it must be to just fly anywhere without worrying about a baggage allowance, passport and possessions.  Johnathon Livingstone Seagull here I come.

So what has the Big Bang got to do with all this bliss and birdy heaven? Well, kapow!  Just being in this state for a few hours seems to have unravelled something within and quite unexpectedly this has led to a big change of being in some way.  My attention and my pattern is altering.  A way of being I have wanted to attain, is being forced upon me by my own self and own process but what I could not do with thinking and intellect, I am now being led to do through this power of emptiness and bliss. It is not actually very blissful when the obstacles that have stood in the way are being cleaned out, but this is a necessary beginning before something new  in the self starts. It is a time of rapid expansion and new creation. I wonder what it will bring?  I have a sense of anticipation this New Year.

Conceptualising everything may be a way of limiting ourselves.  I propose non conceptualisation as the new way of evolution for human beings!

Freedom – living in the spirit of poverty

Mary and Jesus

Thinking about Mary I would never have equated her with freedom.  She is the epitome of surrender and submission to God’s will. She accepted the message of Gabriel with quietude and humility. “I am your servant.”  Is that freedom? Yes. It is the ultimate freedom.

In this world we do not appreciate the power that is inherent in true surrender and submission.  We like to be seen to be in control and achieving and sorted and organised and and and….  Such a stressful and tiring way to live and to maintain an illusion – for that is what it is.  An illusion calculated to give the significant others in our lives the impression of how well we are doing.  Facebook and other social media abound in this illusory claptrap.  I think I might start posting all my failures and stupidities on a regular basis – it would be the Franciscan, topsy turvy way of doing things.  Turning the tables, as Christ did in the temple to rid the holy space of worldy focus and preoccupation.

Not in a self deprecating way – that is not what I mean, but perhaps in the way of the self reflection I am working on with regularity to turn over those parts of myself that are less than delightful.  The exercise is fruitful on a personal level – I feel a sense of freedom from a long held, musty smelling burden each time I sit with my King and share with him my list of lifelong crassness.  I am so grateful he has an unending supply of unconditional humour.

Working with this icon of Mary earlier in the year was the start of a painful process of self examination and of finding friendship with some unlikely people from the US – women and mothers who are blighted by the perception the world has of mothers and how they should be despite the abuse they receive from spouses, partners, children and relatives.  These brave and long suffering women are treasures of common sense, reality and support for each other.  They cry every day and one, who has become a very special friend to me, is now out of contact and I am worrying about her and praying every day for some news.  Sometimes the pain is simply too much to bear for one more day and this lady may have had too much suffering to continue.  I hope it is not so.

The tyranny of self righteousness strikes many blows on every level in all and every place in society and those who do not fit into this narrow part of the spectrum called ‘socially acceptable’ are marginalised and pushed to the edges of ‘normal’ society.  It has always been so, especially for women in many cultures. Yet in the West we pride ourselves as having  respect for women and hearing their voices but it is all nonsense.  Furthermore, women themselves have a lot to answer for when it comes to helping other women. They keep each other down rather than enable; become envious and coveting rather than enjoying the successes of their peers.

One of the rules of the iconographer is to be joyful of the success of others as it is a success for all.  This attitude is Unity of Spirit – do we not all say we are one spirit because we all partake ion the one body of Christ?  If we criticise one another  it is like looking at our big toe and saying, “Well you ugly digit, I do not want anything to do with you.”  Well Big Toe will have the last laugh – try walking without one and it would feel very odd indeed.  We need our Big Toe.  I am a Big Toe for God.

Overcoming self and the desires and passions that assail us is a lifetime’s work.  Working with women who are positive and giving without expectation of receiving is a joy.  A kind of magical feeling surrounds such times.  My novice guardian tells me this is when the Kingdom of Heaven draws near.  I believe this to be the truth – I can feel it with every cell of my body  and on the outside it is almost like there is a big invisible bubble enfolding proceedings. Nothing can defeat those who work in such a bubble.  This is true freedom.  The protection that comes from the Almighty for those who are willing to let go of everything for the sake of his Crucified Son, who demands much of us.


When you live in material poverty for years you learn to depend on God for the next meal and the next rent payment.

He delivers.

You do not fear lack of resource, as a result.

Material wealth loses its allure.

Money means less and less.

The desire for it weakens and a new desire to give replaces it.

More freedom of spirit.

More love enters the heart.

Thoughts begin to change to new ways of being and thinking.

The ego begins to lose its grip.

More love enters the heart. 

More awareness of the divine in operation opens up the mind.

The need to be accepted by limiting groups of others disappears.


Freedom to be who you truly are.

More love enters the heart.

Your eyes become clearer and see more than what is visible.

You begin to ‘see’ in other ways and it is all beautiful.

The love entering the heart is unconditional.

You are able to love those who hate you, who despise, injure or criticise.

You see them from the Jesus perspective. 

You do not worry about the politics and machinations others are involved in.

You are far away from being moved by such things because you know you will be provided for.

He delivers.

This is a revolution.

It is freedom of spirit by being poor on many levels.

The only thing that is important is this love and the nurturing of it more and more.

More love enters the heart. 

Who and what in the world can destroy this love?


This is Christ crucified. 

This is Mary’s ultimate surrender to the sword that pierced her heart through her son and the pain she feels for all those who are suffering.

Only love is left.

You have to be brave to allow yourself to walk this path.  Like St. John of the Cross but that is for next time.

St. Francis and His Love for Christ


It seems forever since I last penned a blog but for a while I have not felt I had anything especially interesting to say.  A little bit of fasting from blogging and all computerish activity is enlightening.  It has given me time to reflect upon my Franciscan journey and to look at what is most important in my life. It would be very easy and perhaps glib to say that God is the most important, and Jesus.  They are, but just how are they most important?  How do they really impact on my life?  How do I allow them to impact on my life?  How much of it is what I think and how much of it is the reality?  I am not certain I will or can answer these questions but I will explore a little of it through my growing love for St. Francis and St. Clare.  Having just spent a few days a Freeland in Oxfordshire on a Franciscan retreat with the Order of St. Clare has brought these gentle and loving saints to the centre of my heart again.

The icon of Francis above, was a delightful commission for a special lady whom I have the utmost respect and love for.  She is a treasure and I look forward to our weekly chats in St. Mary’s.  She has an honest take on everything she experiences and feels about religion, life and the world in general.  It is refreshing to meet someone who says it like it is for them and who does not say what they think you would like to hear or some kind of popular notion.  Francis and Christ were also two such beings – they said it like it was.  An artist has to do this, too.  To see the reality and discern it from the imagined or from some construct of mind that can colour the vision.  How often do we find ourselves at odds with others because they have a view of us that is so far removed from the reality we are living.  It is like they see us through a cracked mirror.  It is not anyone’s fault.  It is a matter of perception.

Perception gets clouded by prejudice, negativity, stereotyping, dumping our own imagined ideas about others on them without checking in with them if this is the truth; speculation, gossip etc. etc. the list is endless and tiresome.  We have so much going against being able to see with clarity that it is no wonder the world is at odds and war and conflict reign supreme.

When, Lord, are you going to root out your Almighty spray can of polish and dust us all off?  Isn’t it time the world had a good spring clean?  That sounds painful!  Ouch!  It is.  It is the process of transfiguration and occurs little by little – very slow for me as I am stubborn and stroppy and my mind is mighty strong at times.  But I am getting a new sense of being cleaned out big time through this Franciscan journey.

More recently I have been pondering Francis’s love for Christ.  It was sublime and total.  He would be so fixed on his contemplation of Christ that he would be travelling along and all kinds of everyone would be snipping bits off his habit for relics and touching him.  All the while he would be oblivious.  He frequently counselled his friars not to wait around for any glory in their work but to remove themselves to far flung places where they were unknown and to start their work again to avoid the trap of ego.  He was not interested in book learning – not because he was anti-intellectual but because it is a source of puffing up of the ego.  The same way we use status to puff oursleves up, or clothes, or technology or what food we eat even.  It would seem any opportunity we can find for lording it over another we find it and use it.  This is the root of all prejudice and hence all the ills that spring from that.

St. Clare was rather good at including novices into discussions as she was well aware that God uses those who are often overlooked by those others who feel they are more significant or experienced.  We would do very well to look in unusual places for all kinds of interesting things.  We miss Christ every time we pas someone by and dismiss them in some way.

But what of this love for Christ, Francis had? It was all encompassing and filled with light and joy.  He would turn to him for everything and anything.  His thoughts were continuously focussed on Christ not on self.  His critics would not understand and pull his experience down to their own level of understanding.  What we understand of him is limited by our limitations not his.  I would like to experience some of this complete focus on Christ.

My journey is split into three monthly intervals and this present quarter is for the purpose of contemplation of our man Francis in love with Christ.  I have explained to my novice guardian that I do not want to write notes or study but to live the experience of Francis as much as I am capable.  So it may be that I will be completely misunderstood but as I am endeavouring to keep my eyes on my Beloved Christ, I will not care a whit!  There are so many situations to offer up to him and to ask him how to respond and he never fails to give the answers.  All I have to do is ask him, to make that decision to ask him how do I respond to this or deal with that? Even the most trivial of things can sometimes lead to stupendous awareness. I guess this is like the Christian version of paying attention to all and everything around us.

Being in love makes us oblivious to many things, being in love with Christ makes us oblivious to the things that do not matter but aware of the things that do.  What an exciting journey – there is no need to worry about anything when you can ask the divine for everything.

Eight Saints and a Prophet

The students of St. Mary’s Icon School are going to be doing nine mini presentations at the end of term. This school is a new venture and the students are ordinary people who have come along to try their hand at learning about icons, the spirituality and the process.  It is the start of a great adventure and this will be their opportunity to share a little of what they have learned.

Please do come along if you are local and if not send your prayers for the students, the school and St. Mary’s church in Aylesbury.

The St. Mary’s Iconography School presents:


The Prophet Elijah - icon by Constantina

Wednesday 28th March 7– 9.30
at St. Mary’s Aylesbury
All are welcome to come and listen to 9 mini presentations by the
new students of St. Mary’s Icon School.
Come and view some of the work we have begun, meet the students
and tutor and learn a little hagiography.
Refreshments provided.

The Fiery Ascent of Elijah


That cheeky Elisha just manages to snatch Elijah’s cloak as he is taken up by the fiery horses.  I loved writing this icon as the great fiery globule was a reminder of the immense power of Almighty God. I am certain that Elisha would have had some broiled fish for supper.

Sometimes one could also be forgiven for imagining he was abducted by aliens but as a lover of sci-fi I would think that.

When I used to exhibit on the railings by Hyde Park I would sometimes take my icons along as an antidote to all the materialism.  I was amazed and reassured at how many people stopped and loved to talk about them and the spirituality behind them.  This Elijah was a particular favourite and many Russians would come and translate the text even though it is archaic.  I have forgotten the exact translation so if anyone would like to have a go and submit it to me I would be grateful and can then add it to the post.

Have a brief look at the rays emanating from the cosmic arc in the top corner.  This is typical of icons and I have reproduced it here, those old iconographers already knew about the dual nature of light long before we discovered it.

Have a great week and may the power of Elijah be with you.


A Little More of a Piece of God’s Love

A few posts back I passed on a wonderful story called  A Piece of God’s Love .  Blogging happily away you may think I just want to write stuff down and then go onto the next thing but I shall tell you very earnestly that I do sometimes listen to my own good advice, unlike Alice in Wonderland who realised she did not.

There are some images, words or people who just stick in our consciousness in a wonderful way and lately I am blessed with more and more ‘stickers’.  The story referred to above has a literal truth and a little piece of it has become stuck in my own heart.  Since posting it I have been doing my usual stuff but each time I have had to go out and work with a student, or a class, or with colleagues I have reminded myself to put a ‘piece of God’s love in them and that they love me back’, as the story goes.

Something wonderful happens every time – don’t take my word for it, try it out yourself – be scientific!

Love is a problematic subject especially for single person.  On the spiritual path it can be sometimes overwhelming, as one feels love for many people in many ways.  At times this can be mistaken for earthly love or Eros love.  The difficulty lies in the love one has for Almighty God as, if this is profound, then others are attracted to you because of it but feel they love you when in reality it is your love of God that their own soul is responding to.  All souls love God at their deepest root and this is how love transforms.

I will use the example of St. Francis and St. Clare.  There is no doubt they loved one another deeply and because of their commitment to God they remained celibate  and mostly separated yet were also able to love one another as two souls who are like one.  How terrible it would have been if Clare or Francis had been forced to keep apart, not see or speak to each other at all because others felt their love was more of the earthly kind and therefore a severe temptation.  The world was made more beautiful through their genuine love for one another.

It must be remembered that those who are diligent on the path learn about their desires and feelings and passions and most troublesome traits and through mastering them, overcome the unruly behaviour of the passions.  Maybe,  as there are so few examples of ordinary people achieving this, we do not think it is possible and if we have not achieved this ourselves we refuse to accept that others are able to reach this place.  I must add here it is also by God’s grace this can be done and not through our own power.  Yet all the same we must pray for help and strive towards this goal.  Jesus repeatedly tells us we must learn how to take charge of the house of our soul.  Those lower passions are our servants and they do serve when we learn true restraint which comes through love and acceptance of the self and all its faults.

We do not lambast St. Anthony the Great because he was plagued with salacious thoughts and devils.  When he had these thoughts he then learned how not to allow himself to be led by them, it makes him more not less.

Learning how to love souls is well worth every effort as the love that comes back is so much more than anything you could experience from earthly love.


St. Paul and Conversion and Ezekiel

Today is the feast of St. Paul’s conversion and one of the readings was from Ezekiel3.  As soon as I see Ezekiel in the reading list I am always happy as I am very fond of him.  What is interesting is the similarity of the experience of Ezekiel and that of St. Paul.

Ezekiel was told by God to go home where he would be bound, as if by rope, and unable to speak for a time.  Then he would return into the world and speak the words of God and some would listen and some would not – ‘these people are a rebellious lot,’ says the Lord!  Ezekiel, however, was already a prophet and this experience would have been one of many along the way from which he would have been obedient to God’s instructions.

St. Paul was also obedient, to those who ran the temple in his time.  He was zealous in his obedience and yet the results were harmful to others.  Ezekiel’s words would have been warnings to try and encourage a return to God’s ways; Paul was acting for those who wanted people to follow their way which they believed was the truth.  It is the results of these actions that tell us which is from God  and which is from man.

For Ezekiel, people could choose freely to listen or not and then take the consequences.  With St. Paul, those who did not obey were persecuted and killed.  Only when St. Paul was converted did he learn how to love and to work for Jesus – in him and through him and with him.  He was so desirous of receiving Christ within he talks of it with passion, love and wonder all at the same time.  It is an incredible experience and as Christians we yearn for this to such an extent we decide ourselves how we should go about it. And this is the mistake.

In doing so we become like the temple rulers who then try and make everyone conform to the way we have decided is the right one and anyone who does it differently or detracts from it or who is an outsider is excluded.  We have, in our Christian churches, fallen into the same old trap because we are the same old rebellious humans we ever were.

It is grace from God that changes us from within and only grace from God.  Yet we are arrogant enough to think we can do this ourselves with various practices and rules and rituals.  However, these practices and rules and rituals are there to help us maintain the grace we have already been given, they are not a replacement for it.  They are necessary to keep us on the path but they do not put us on it.

How do we find this path, how do we receive this grace?


The Cross

I attended a Justice and Peace talk at St. Mary’s some months ago, about Zimbabwe (there are a number of wonderful Zimbabweans in the church here).   One of the men, who had recently been over there gave us a watered down version of what he had heard and experienced. The watered down version was distressing enough.  How lucky we are not live live perpetually in fear of bullying and harrassment from the authorities on a daily basis.  The Anglican church is under attack there and when I say church I mean church as in ‘people who are the church’.

Walking home I felt a large hole inside my chest like a train had just run through it.  “What can I do?” was my first impotent thought but the answer came immediately and it was to do what I do – write an icon for them.

I have wanted to do a Holy Cross for a while but never got round to it and after seeing Miroslav’s wonderful carpentry and having used his boards this past year I determined this was the time to write a Crucifixion icon.  I wrote to him – he is a Serbian orthodox carpenter who found me on the internet just before my previous carpenter had to close his workshop – how blessed I am.  Miroslav replied:

Dear Constantina,
I will be very pleased to do so (prepare the cross) knowing where the cross goes. I will orient my  prayers to poor children. Thank you for having given me this opportunity.
Fraternally in Christ, Miroslav

It was a few weeks wait whilst he made the little wooden cross in linden wood and then a knock at the door and my precious parcel had arrived.  I took it upstairs to unwrap it and was immediately overwhelmed.There is a power in prayer, a power in icons and a power in the sincerity of the people who truly orient themselves towards God.  It touches a place inside that has nothing to do with emotionalism.When I have mentioned I have been crying over this cross as I worked on it in previous posts  – I am not crying through sentimentality.  There is a difference – it is subtle to discern, but the feeling is of cosmic proportions.

It is not personal pain and sorrow one feels.  It is a touch of the pain of the world and it rocks you inside to the deepest subatomic depths of each particle in your body. I can experience it now just conjuring up the thought of the world’s suffering and it is only the tiniest piece of it, a few nanoseconds worth as, if I felt the whole, I am sure I would not be able to bear it and live.It is true sorrow and I am left with an understanding of immense compassion and love for the world that is the love and compassion of Christ.  In that tiny moment I am here, but also everywhere, within and without. No other experience has ever brought me as close to this place and it has taught me the true power of the Cross, it’s reality.

It is my own fault I feel this and strangely it has to do with an enigmatic Hassidic man called Israel ben Eliezer, the Master of the Holy Name, from 300 years ago– but that is another story for another time.

I digress as usual.  But thank you Miroslav for being the beginning of this project, being at the root of the process. The skull at the root of this cross is traditional and symbolises the skull of Adam and the curse of death.  The way the skull and leg bone are arranged brings to mind very ancient understandings of the spirit world of early man, perhaps.

You would think I would want to start immediately but the first thing was to place the cross in my, what the Russians call, Red Corner. Red because of the use of red ochre, again a sacred pigment symbolising creation and foundation. The red ochre formed from iron in an atmosphere that was reducing, when the world had no oxygen. How marvellous it is to create these tiny panels from such awesome materials.

I have a little collection of icons that I keep where I pray my Franciscan Office each day.  The cross was left there for forty days and it worked out to be the beginning of Advent when I could start which was, coincidentally, also the time I was noviced as a Tertiary Franciscan.

Throughout Advent the cross has been gilded and written and I finished it a few days after Christmas and completed it with an inscription by Romanus the Melodist on the back, which seems very fitting for purpose.  Icons were used frequently in the past to ward off invading hordes and protect people and I wonder why this is not the case anymore – maybe people simply do not believe anymore.

Here is the inscription:

Now is the time to open your ears, Satan.

Now is the time to show you the power of the Cross and the might of the Crucified One.

For to you the Cross is considered folly;

to all Creation it is considered a Throne on which Jesus nailed,

is as though seated on a judge’s bench.

The open Bible on the Prepared Throne, as it is called, at the apex of the Cross is meant to carry the inscription:

“Come, O Blessed of my Father…for I was hungry and you gave me food.”  (Matthew 25:34-35)

Well, for the sake of the persecuted, terrorised, raped, murdered, humiliated, tortured, forgotten, despised, starving, sick, oppressed….people the world over, but especially Zimbabwe, I think we could make the effort to believe in this Cross at this time and in the power of Almighty God who has promised to help such people.

Here is my prayer with a grieving Mary on the left and John on the right:

Like the woman who said to Your Beloved Son, that even the dogs were able to eat the crumbs from under the table; this sinful woman asks you to help free the people of Africa from corruption, war, tyranny; from being robbed of resources by other countries and all other evils that have kept them under subjugation.

Like the Queen of Sheba who travelled across Africa to see Solomon, the son of your Beloved King David, to witness his God given wisdom; this ordinary woman asks you to grant wisdom to all those who become leaders in Africa so that this incredible continent can become a jewel of the world and an example to others of the power and the love of God and the way to Zion.

Like Mary, the Blessed Virgin, who accepted your message and brought Christ into the world so that he could take all our sins and save us from wretchedness;  this shy, little mother asks you with all her heart to bring an end to the sorrows of all the mothers of Africa whose tears are so many they are as uncountable as the stars.

You promised, Lord, to help the poor. When are You going to fulfil your promise?

Awaken our hearts to the possibility that this is the Truth and that this is the Time and that You are the Way.


Please forward this page and ask those who read it to direct their prayers also to this cause because I completely believe that our combined consciousness is far more powerful than we realise.  The world is changing dramatically but we are not helpless. Uniting sincerely in prayer for peace, wisdom and new beginnings will tip the scales from death to life.  We can be sick, old, infirm, reclusive, rejected, whatever… but we still have the power of prayer and it is great indeed.

Here is the whole  Holy Cross:

Feedback from Talk on Icons

Jacqueline, who organised the Advent Talk on Icons, a Benedictine oblate and a convener and inspirer for the World Council of Christian Meditation, sent this comment about the day and gave me permission to reproduce it.  As I am not yet fully purified of my self interested ego, I publish it with much happiness!


It goes almost beyond the limited of my descriptive powers to tell you HOW MUCH we enjoyed the day.
Loved the history, liked the power point presentation felt it was a good way to get a lot of information over in an accessible way. Loved the practical description, was struck by just how much physical labour it takes to produce these portals, and loved the explanation of the techniques, how to make real gesso etc. And of course I loved the actual Icons and seeing them lit by candlelight was just so right.
But I think it was your spirituality and your great big heart that really came over. I loved the way you spoke so openly about spiritual things – what you said about Mary really touched me. I could relate to that too as once I had just a glimpse of her presence during meditation. It had been a dreadful meditation, couldn’t be still, whirling thoughts etc. I just said her name silently, pleadingly and there she was – bang. A kind of velvety blackness came over me, immediately, but not the blackness of death, it was more like deep comfort, softness, rest and everything became completely still. I will never forget it. And then there you were giving us your experience of her. Totally different and yet we were able to feel her presence. Quite extraordinary. Two other comments I have received also mention the spirituality aspect (they had thought Icons were art forms) and the sheer wonder and delight that this form of prayer and expression gives. I LOVED the explanation of Mary and the “Mandilyon?”, cant quite remember the term, but what you said about dimensions and how this Icon crosses through them. You could have heard a pin drop!
So thank you Constantina! It was wonderful.
Roger loved it too. He hasn’t tried to draw, holding a pencil in his right hand for many years.
I’m posting your blog site on my fb page
See you soon dear friend, my heart is full

Advent Icon Talk – Review

Saturday, when there was scheduled to be a fabulous lunar eclipse, (great pics on this Seattle blog), found me in the centre of Aylesbury at the Quaker House giving a talk on icons to a group of Quakers, Anglicans and Roman Catholics.  I seem to be taking out my whole studio regularly to set it up again and surround people with these little gateways to the heavenly dimension.  I am saving for a vehicle I can use to travel more widely in with my holy people so I can take the message of Christ’s love to more places- it will have to accommodate my three cats, two lovebirds and the fish.  Any Noah’s out there who can help?

Geoff, one of the wardens, was so thoughtful and made sure we had a good blackout so the candles I brought could really show the icons off to their best advantage.  He also procured a laptop and a nifty projector so I could do a fab presentation.  I only had to bring my flash drive and there we hit the first snag.  The laptop decided this wee thing was not compatible and after pretending to like it for a half an hour then proceeded to make bleeps and refuse to process the powerpoint.  not to worry, as an old hand at speaking I had emailed the file to myself on Yahoo, so we connected up the internet and I ran it from there.

I also brought along some icons in progress so everyone could see the stages.  Then  all were invited to have a go at tracing some prototypes of Christ, St. Nicholas or Mary.  After some initial banter everyone began to work quietly and thoughtfully with some Russian Orthodox music in the background. 

After a well earned break for tea and cakes they settled for a half hour meditation of the faces of Christ- Christ Immanuel; Christ Pantocrator and the Saviour of Zvenigorod.

The feedback was wonderful and  I have some potential new students for the icon school. This I am envisaging as a cooperative, eventually, where the students will begin to take on roles to expand it and make it a community of artisans who work in the spirit of Christ.

Some of the participants told me after that whilst doing the tracing they felt clear guidance- one about the drawing and one about pursuing this work.  This is good, as it meant the atmosphere and feeling was open and enabled them to perceive themselves from within.  Several others really responded to the deep spirituality at the heart of this process, so I am very happy, as this is the most important aspect of the work.

A huge thank you to Jacqueline from the Aylesbury Meditation Group who arranged and set this talk up.

Advent Icon Talk

Advent Talk





The Aylesbury Meditation Group*  invite you to join them on:

 10th December at

Friends Meeting House, Rickfords Hill, Aylesbury for an afternoon studying Holy Icons, presented by Constantina Wood.

The afternoon will include a talk on icons and their origins, an activity on the reality of the writing of the icon, meditation and will end with tea and cakes.

To book a place call 01296 488450 or email:

Suggested donation: £5.  All welcome.

*We are an ecumenical Christian meditation group

Commentary on Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse

Rev 6 v 7-8

7 When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, “come!” 8 I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth.


A pale green, grey and blue icon with Death riding atop the pale horse which is green.  The horse leaps high above the ground. Death holds his scythe above his head which is haloed by a black hole and exploding supernova.  The Earth is being attacked by four celestial swords and a skull is buried into the surface of the globe.  Hades kneels on the right with his wild beasts: a lion, a dog and a snake all held by a leash.


The advent of Death is often feared but if we ask ourselves what death really means, it is simply change from one state to another.  In this case the supernova is a symbol of a change on a cosmic scale and the black hole is reminiscent of the dark caves that are often present in holy icons.  These areas of total darkness take us back to the Beginning.  In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.  It is pre-creation.  It is a sign of imminent new creation. 

The skull buried within the earth’s crust and the swords signify a time of great pain and destruction.  The earth is almost rent with volcanic activity and earthquakes as Hades looks on, his wild beasts still chained but ready and waiting for him to give the signal for when they will be released.  These wild beasts are not actual animals that will start to attack humanity but the animal force that resides in each of us.  We are seemingly human on the outside but inside we are more complex made up of elements and compounds from the cosmos, the earth, from plants and animals we have ingested.  These influences can be felt at times if we pay attention to our selves.  How often do we liken other to animals in the way they behave?!  This goes back to what Jesus said when he instructed us through his parables to be masters of our own house.  We can let these wild creatures loose and not control what happens or we can recognise them and understand their needs and learn how to harness their energy for our daily lives.  When we can separate them out and develop wisdom as to the nature of our inner selves then can we be masters of our bodies.  The Ten Commandments were written to develop a moral basis for the civilisation at the time which would, when given the opportunity carry out some bizarre and unpleasant practices.

Now we need recognise that these literal practices have become transformed into a myriad of modern equivalents.  In the Old Testament a prophet would come along and make a nuisance of himself until the population realised how far they had strayed from worship of Almighty God.  They would tear their clothes and repent and return to more righteous behaviour.  We cannot envisage this happening now.  Are we evolved enough to see what is happening to our lives and make the necessary changes as individuals?  It seems not and in response the whole Earth shudders beneath our feet in agony.  No matter how we decide to act or be the charge of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is relentless and inevitable.  Humanity is set to change.

Commentary on Third Horseman of the Apocalypse

Rev 6 v 5-6

5 When the Lamb opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, “Come!” I looked, and there before me was a black horse! Its rider was holding a pair of scales in his hand. 6 Then I heard what sounded like a voice among the four living creatures, saying, “Two pounds of wheat for a day’s wages, and six poundsof barley for a day’s wages, and do not damage the oil and the wine!”


A black horse with flaming eyes and mane leaps above a globe that is consumed by fire and ice.  Even the heavens are red with fire.  Three cities are buried in the ice, New York, the City of London and Tokyo with Mount Fuji.  Four dark symbols like Aces of spades are attached to the horizon. The Third Horseman sits astride his mount with arms outstretched holding onto a pair of scales.


This horse is leaping away from an earth frozen through economic woes symbolised by the three cities, New York, London and Tokyo.  The encroaching red lava is melting the ice but more than that it is dissolving everything in its path.  The old way of doing things and managing the economy is about to disintegrate forever.  The fire in the heavens signifies the spiritual cleansing that is taking place before the birth of something new can evolve. 

The black colour of the horse is an indicator that this will be very uncomfortable and there will be a feeling of the absence of light and love concurrently with the heat of the flames of hell as it passes over the earth.  We are so dependent on material wealth, on status and the power of possessions that the pain we will endure will be significant unless we are able in some small way to free ourselves of our attachment to the material world and cleave to that which lasts forever.

The rider of this horse is who gives us hope.  His Christ-like visage is stern yet calm.  He holds the scales and measures out justice in a direct and open manner.  What we have sown, we shall reap.  This is the meaning of the phrase in the last verse, “Two pounds of wheat for a day’s wages, and six poundsof barley for a day’s wages,…..”  But what does “and do not damage the oil and the wine!” mean?  The oil signifies those anointed by Almighty God as his children and servants and the wine denotes those who are faithful and believe in Him.  Throughout the troubles those whose hearts are steadfast and sincere will endure; they will be preserved.

This is where, for Christians, the difficulty lies.  We take such ideas and then go on to judge others to ensure we can self righteously declare we will be the ones who are saved, we are the ones who are right – even within the Christian churches there are divisions.  We have to ponder this very seriously.  Where do such thoughts come from what is their effect?  The source is the ego and the effect of the ego is always, always, to put down the other.  It is the little ‘I’ just as in the last meditation it was the pronouncements of the ‘little heart’ that were treacherous, we also have to guard against the ‘little mind’.  Small mindedness is called that just because that is exactly what it is.

Let us step outside the ego of self and me and ‘I’ and embrace all and every and ‘we’.

We are all One in Christ and that which cause us to separate and single out and shun and reject or put down has no place in the Kingdom of Heaven as God loves all his creation even if we do not understand His ways, we need to trust and surrender to His wisdom in all things and learn again about true brother and sisterhood.

This icon gives us a clue:  let us not be too hot and damning or too cold and cliquey.  Let us be warm and welcoming and so find we have opened the doorway of our hearts to everyone we meet.

Commentary on Second horseman of the Apocalypse

Rev 6 v 3-4

3 When the Lamb opened the second seal, I heard the second living creature say, “Come!”  4 Then another horse came out, a fiery red one. Its rider was given power to take peace from the earth and to make men slay each other. To him was given a large sword.



Here we have a tremendously powerful red horse ridden by the second horseman who carries a great sword.  He rides above the earth over two armies pitched against one another.  A full moon is illuminated in the space above the earth.


This horse gallops above the earth but close enough for us to see two armies set against one another.  If we regard the globe it is East against West.  A destroyed and ruined tower crumbles and burns under a back hoof of the horse.  The horse’s head is bent down and forward in determination.  This path is relentless once it is begun, it seems to suggest.  The horseman holds his sword perpendicular to the world and straight up into space.  It divides the image; the world in two.  Yet the horseman’s visage is one of gentleness and peace despite the message that he takes peace from the earth.   Recall the word’s of Christ in the Gospels – Matthew 10:34 “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.”  What does this signify?  It is yet another allusion that these horsemen of the apocalypse are facets of Christ and we have to try and understand this with new eyes and new thinking.

Whereas in the icon of the First Horseman of the Apocalypse, there is a pool of water revealed through the cracked earth, here is the full moon out in space.  The full moon is an allegory of our emotions; revealed and seen in their entirety by Almighty God, who can see into men’s hearts.  The pitched battle of the two armies is that within ourselves as we battle to overcome the influences of the little heart.  The little heart is treacherous and fills us full of desire and unsettling emotions.  The wild animals, as David would call them in the Psalms.  The division this horseman brings is the separation of our small selves ridden with ego from the larger self of the divine soul.  There is a great need for us to do battle in order to separate out what is useful for our lives and what is not.  To learn to recognise those parts within us that do and cause evil among men, those influences that cause us to slay one another physically, intellectually, emotionally and psychologically.  Most of us would never think to kill another person but how many times a day do we slay each other with our tongues through gossip and meddling?  This is the little murder and we commit it thousands of times in our lives and it is far more damaging as it destroys not only our own souls, but that of the listener and that of the poor victim.

When we reach the next stage of the evolution of our consciousness we have to do battle with this side of our nature we have to divide ourselves from our self.  There can be no peace until this is done, not in our selves, our communities or the world. It is this venomous heart inside us all we have to discern, understand, forgive, accept and finally learn to love.  Only then will we become able to master our own inner house and bring outer peace and harmony.

Commentary on First Horseman of the Apocalypse

Rev 6 v 1-2

1 I watched as the Lamb opened the first of the seven seals. Then I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice like thunder, “Come!” 2 I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its rider held a bow, and he was given a crown, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest.



Here we have the Horseman with his bow astride the white horse.  An angel has descended and placed the crown upon his head.  The horse rears up its front legs at the rocks in front and a scorpion edges towards the pool of water that is revealed in a crack in the ground.  There is some kind of living creature within the water.


This is a very earth based scenario.  The horse’s back legs are firmly placed on the ground; there is desert; there are rocks.  The Horseman is too large for his mount, he has very broad shoulders, yet he is confidently balanced on his steed.  He is described as a conqueror bent on conquest.  What does he want to conquer with such focussed attention?

Underneath the horse the ground is cracked open to reveal water.  The living creature shows us that this water signifies something that has life; the life of our emotions, perhaps.  Locked up within the stony heart of earth, unforgiving, slow to change, hard hearted.  It takes this mighty conqueror to ride on his horse and pierce our hearts with his sturdy arrows to get them to yield and to change.  To open us up and make us ready for the spiritual transformation and change that is about to happen, that needs to happen.

The scorpion is a symbol of warning.  See this sting?  It will hurt.  The hurt and pain we feel when we are attacked, or feel threatened, or when change is thrust upon us, is represented by the scorpion’s sting.  It is warning us that we need to change our thinking, our way of being.  It will happen eventually. God’s Love, makes this a fact. The determination on the horse’s face is like God’s Will. We cannot prevent our spiritual advancement though the more we resist and harden our hearts the more the scorpion’s sting will give us pain.

Once cracked open we see the water of our emotions boiling away, turbulent under the stony covering of earth.  Is the living creature trying to smooth it over or stir it up?  We can answer that bay asking ourselves another question?  How do we behave when things go wrong in our lives?  Do we try and make peace or do we get riled up?  We can go either way, we have choice.  If we have choice then we also have the ability to make a new choice if the previous one does not work.

The Horseman has already sent an arrow flying, his bow now resting alongside.  He has powerful shoulders.  There is tremendous strength and indeed it takes enormous power to break open the rock of our hardened hearts.    He represents the first phase of our transformation from seeming human to truly human souls.

He wears a crown signifying he is a king; he has a kingdom.  He is our King.  Christ, who pierces our hearts with the arrow of the cross of His crucifixion.  His love is so great that He will not desert us and leave us buried within the tomb of our own making.  He is our liberator and he sets us free to begin on our soul’s journey.  Regard His face.  There is the same determination as in the expression of the horse that was called God’s Will above.  Both Father and Son are in accord.

Behind him in the sky is a formation of clouds that hint at a distant city.  Zion.  It is tenuous and ephemeral but there it is as an indication of what we can aspire to if we could only just see it and believe in it.

Limited Edition prints now available

Apocalypse icons is please to announce that the first set of limited edition prints are now available.

Please click on either the gallery or Limited Editions at the top of the page.

There will only be 77 prints of each image on fine art paper and 77 prints of each image on fantastic aluminium box.

Each print will have a unique code and will only be available from the artist through this website or associated websites of the artists such as

Goto Gallery 1 (Messages to the Seven Churches) or Gallery2 (Four Horsemen) to view images and then check out Limited Edition Prints.

Contact me by email to order.


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